Commentary

- This is a commentary of Nadia's post and it is originally composed by Via -
Nadia's blog

The writer’s purpose is to give information about her own life and to create sympathy. . In the first paragraph ,the writer puts “injustice, racisms, criminals, “.Actually injustice and racisms are abstract nouns, so the writer supposed to put crime than criminals. And at the second line of the first paragraph the writer should not put comma before the word “ and”.

The writer tries to attract the reader by sarcastic sentence the first paragraph. The reader is forced to imagine what it must be like to live in fear of one’s life in cramped conditions.

In the second paragraph , there is an error in the first sentence where the writer only a tobebefore the word become. The tobe is supposed to be eliminated. As in the first sentence,  the writer should use past tenses because it tells about what had happened.

At the same time, the clause shows the writer’s story was tense. The article shows that she never was in a good condition. The writer puts lots of conflicts there, which can make the reader become attracted and feared.

In the third paragraph ,the writer starts to tell her story from the first time she went to school ,by taking the word “school was like a prison “ shows that her day was filled with war,.

Next, in the fourth paragraph ,the writer uses the words “Latino’s, Chinese, Ghettos, and a white kid” signifies that the writer’s school was acist. The writer puts oxymoron word which is “It’s quite painful.

The fifth paragraph the writer uses a figure of speech which is repetition, that can be found in a word “Shouted at each other, mocked at each other” .The word “each other is repeated.It is used twice.

In the seventh paragraph, the writer uses a sentence  “my Chinese friend died “ the writer uses sarcastic tone. The writer actually should put a euphemism to make it more smoothie.

In the last paragraph ,the writer uses capital letters,it is seen from the word “SHE COULD TEACH US UNTIL WE FINISHED OUR JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL. “ the purpose is to give an anger effect .

At the end the writer shows that the teacher’s dream which is  “make her students better” is coming true. And the writer uses a pleasant tone.

Erin Gruwell : The Woman Who Brought Freedom

             

               

An American teacher was born August 15 1969 in California. She inspired lots of people and  was known for her unique teaching method.  Teaching in a public school which consist of American, Chinese and American-African races. Then she made those different races became like a family. How incredible she was.

She began teaching her students in 1994 at Woodrow Wilson High school  in Long Beach, California.

First day of going to school seemed like the worst day that she had ever felt.  No students were listening to her, they were just busy with their people and then went fighting with each people and Gruwell couldn’t stop them. The second day was the same, no changes but she kept trying and learnt to be more patient to face her students.

On the next day, Tito ,one of her students was drawing an African American’s  face with extremely large lips. Gruwell told her students that there was a type of caricature that the Nazis had used during the Holocaust. When only one of the students knew what the Holocaust was, Gruwell changed the theme of her curriculum to tolerance. Holocaust is a murder that was claimed to be done by the Naz to wiped-out Jews around Europe, so only a few Jews who were saved in the Holocaust time.

Gradually, the condition changed and it was an incredible time for Gruwell.She could teach them and made them become educated people. Everyday, her students were reading books that she had bought until all of them were attracted to read and read it again ,especially  the Anne Frank’s book.

In the fall of 1995, Gruwell  gave each of her students a bag full of new books and asked them to make ‘Toast for Change’. After that, she saw a turn around in them . The students went on to surprise everyone. A sad news came to Gruwell that she was divorced by her husband, Scott.  It was because she spent almost a whole day with her students and  Scott thought that she couldn’t take care of him.

Gruwell bought new books from her own pocket and invited guest speaker who could inspire her students. This guest was special to compare with others. This guest was related to Anne Frank’s book which was their favourite book. She was the women who helped  Anne Frank .

Gruwell returned to Wilson High as a full-time teacher. She aksed her students to make journals of their lives. She also had the students to read the books written by and about other teenagers in times of war.Then she asked them to make a book that consist of their stories with the title ‘The Freedom Writers’.

Writing journals became a solace for many of the students, and because the journals were shared anonymously, teenagers who once refused to speak to someone of a different race became like a family. At the end all Freedom Writers graduated from high school and many of Gruwell’s students went to attend college.

-This is originally composed by Via -